guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize