I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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