"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
