i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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