Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
