I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
