I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
