please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
