i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
