My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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