Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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