Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
