i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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