: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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