It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
