I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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