so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
