im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
