i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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