well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
