I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
