it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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