The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize