I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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