girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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