wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
