just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude i'm inner monologue high
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
