Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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