Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
