I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
