I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
