I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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