I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
