so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
