We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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