Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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