dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
