Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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