whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
