We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
