I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
