just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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