shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
