I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
