Define "chronic" masturbator.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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