hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize