I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
