i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
