I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
