so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
