you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
