If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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