I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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