Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
