I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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