I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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