I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize