You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
