I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
