it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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