At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
