just come out here and I will go home with you...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
