Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
