Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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