1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
