So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
