is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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