Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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