I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
