Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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