shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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