chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
pop tarts are not kleenex
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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