dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize