i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
