he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
