I wish I could punch you in the face.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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