i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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