break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
